Unknown

Today I saw Unknown, starring Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger.

An upper-class American couple arrives in Berlin to find some of their luggage didn't make it from the airport, so the husband catches a Taxi to return to the airport and retrieve it. Unfortunately, during that ride, he's in a terrible car accident and ends up in a coma for four days. When he wakes up, he remembers everything about his life, but no one will confirm it—not even his wife of five years.

So here we have the story of Martin Harris (Neeson). A supposed brilliant scientist who is in Germany to give a presentation at an intellectual conference until he is made to believe that his life is not his own after all.

There are folks who swear they don't know who he is. His wife Liz (January Jones) and the alleged real Martin Harris (Aidan Quinn), for starters.

Then, there are those sympathetic like his doctor and nurse, who just want proof before they agree that he is indeed Dr. Harris.

The folks at the hotel and the conference don't know what to believe, but the police are called multiple times just in case he's nuts.

Left without any options, Dr. Harris tracks down the taxi driver (Kruger) who saved him after the accident for additional answers and seeks the help of a former spy who is now a private investigator. As this is happening, at least two people (not those two) die trying to help him.

To say that it's boring would be unfair, to call it "smart" would be equally unfair.

Liam Neeson is his usual good "desperate" character. There are car chases and flashed knives and guns pulled and men in black leather jackets there to let you know they are bad guys.

There is also sexual tension (with the taxi driver) and enough flashback shots of a flirtatious Liz to make you wish you were watching re-runs of Mad Men instead.

As for figuring out the mystery, after a certain point I quit caring about Dr. Harris.

Unfortunately, the box office returns didn't, so more empty action films like this are sure to be made.

~~~

Copying Beethoven

Tonight I saw Copying Beethoven, starring Ed Harris.

It was so awful, I wrestled with getting up and leaving or merely napping in my somewhat-assigned seat at the screening. Yes, it was that brutal.

This fictional exploration of the end of Ludwig Van Beethoven's life is so absurd, it's laughable.

Diane Kruger plays Anna, a composition student brought in to rescue the deteriorating maestro and save Ode to Joy. As an actress she was fine, but as a character, I have a few problems:

A) To the best of my knowledge, the Ninth Symphony didn't need saving.
B) If it did, my bet is that the difficult composer would've fetched a more experienced musician to use as his copyist.
C) The 'naive, innocent, lives-in-a-convent' chick has been done before.

And the way Harris plays Ludwig is nothing short of insulting. He's vile, rude and so over-the-top (yes, he moons someone and makes fart jokes) that I had a hard time not turning away from the screen each time he appeared.

I realize that the real man may not have been the easiest artist to be around, but he was a genius, and I'd rather remember him for the melodies of his brilliance than his bad behavior.

Don't you dare go see this. I'd hate to have to say "I told you so."